TODAY IS A TERRIBLE AWFUL DREADFUL ATROCIOUS NO GOOD VERY BAD DAY
I AM SAYING SORRY ALL DAY TODAY I AM SAYING SORRY.
all day i have been having thoughts that are not allowed and i want to stop having thoughts that
are not allowed but i keep having them and i can't tell anyone about them to ask to stop them
because they are not allowed and i wonder, if, these, are, my, thoughts, or, the, thoughts, of,
THEY have mandated that i stay inside today and this is the 2nd day i've spent inside and
i am feeling restless but i trust them even if it, reminds, me, of, the, ward. i do very much
hope that i will get to go outside soon but THEY say the world has grown very dirty and
sick and bad while i was in that place and i believe them but i want to go outside. i think it
could be nice to be in the muck and the grime and the dirt, it could be fun, but a no is a no
and i am staying put, bored and put, and put and bored. people have tried to reach me through,
strange, technologies, but i don't know what to say. i think i need less socialization than
others! i like people and some other shirleys want to be around them always but not i, i can
talk to one persona week and feel fine, i am not like those other shirleys with their chatterbox
mouths - not to insult their chatterbox mouths they sure come in handy for making friends but
i am simply not that way, i am simply lacking a chatterbox mouth, i have a stapled shut mouth
and no desire to speak to anyone other than the faceless masses of the internet. i am thinking
of the ward and i am thinking of wednesday and i am thinking of how useless it is to put labels
on my brain when clearly THEY will tell you i am just a shirley and i am trying not to think
thoughts that aren't allowed
time has gotten very messy lately and it seems like yesterday slipped straight down between my fingers.
the strange technology is ringing ringing ringing ringing; i've never had it ring so much; i think i like
it but at the same time i just want to burrow myself away for a while. i think about making a hole in the
ground and going inside of it for weeks and hibernating like a bear and coming out feeling new and refreshed
ready to answer the ringing in a world that isn't so ill but i cannot do that, that is not allowed, so i am
still here, still hidden away but not in a hole, hidden away in this room from the sickness, hearing the ringing
but, not, answering. it's all so dreadfully boring i'm having disallowed thoughts and i don't know if i'll tell
the nurse i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know. i am sitting in this room and i am learning about
crimes and i want to know secrets. i want to put my ear against the wall and hear conversations from across the
world. do you think you could leave your body if you tried? have you ever left your body? i have left my body.
have you ever been possessed? i don't like leaving my body but sometimes it just happens. i am drowsey. oh, what
to do? maybe they know, maybe they know, maybe they'll tell me if i ask, oh i think i'll ask, i think i'll ask,
i think i'll ask, i think i'll ask.
i am listening to this song.
ringing ringing ringing ringing to ask me about my case ringing ringing ringing ringing
time continues to slip away from me. i feel like the white rabbit and i would get along, both of us hopping after
the clock, always late late late late for a very important date because time is going too fast and we just can't
keep up. of course, we differ, for the white rabbit can go to his home if he wants, and i am here without access
to my realm; white rabbit can go to wonderland, but i cannot go to somewhere neither here nor there. i think rabbits
on earth are adorable. anyway, i saw the nurse yesterday, and i think i always end up feeling like i'm more strange
than i thought i was after speaking to these types, but does it matter to be strange? the world is confirmed very
ill now, there is illness all around the walls i live, and all residents have been told to shelter in place, so it
is not just me buried away indoors now. i miss the outdoors; i miss the sounds. i am having stories read to me, true
and gruesome stories, and i am sometimes answering the ringing, and i am trying to be at peace, though there is
melancholy, but that is to be expected, in, a time, where, all, are, ill, and, frightened,
THEY are very loud; the ringing is very loud; time slipped away from me and i've finally caught it again, i'm grasping
it tightly in my palms, and i hope it won't go away again, i hope it won't, but it always seems to, but i hope it won't
because as much as i lose it i can never get any lost back, i can only find what is left! they, continue, to, read, to,
me, true, and, gruesome, tales. there is a cat that comes to visit me, all black with a white heart-shaped tuft on its
neck, and it speaks when the sky goes dark, but only when the sky goes dark, and all it spews is nonsense and not-nonsense.
it is a gift, they say, from THEM, a messenger, omen, watcher, and it is cute and comforting and i very much like it.
goats are my favorite animal and cats are cute too. these days, when i can think, i think of immortality. i think of a place
between life and death, and i wonder, i wonder, i wonder, i wonder about it, i wonder about things that are neither quite this
or that, and i suppose that is because i am from somewhere neither here nor there, and anyway, can i die? do i have the capacity?
so sheltered, they keep us shirleys, that i would think so, but i have never died, so i don't know. there is no proof that i can
die. anyway i must go listen to stories
hello! hello, hello, hello! internet! intern-net! shirley is here, shirley is here again shirley sees strange sights, shirley
sees strange sites, shirley saxophone sandpaper song sybillance syllabus swallow start smart cart mart. there are no marts
anymore! or it feels that way sometimes, with how hard it is to get things, what with the whole, pandemic, and do you ever
wonder what role you play in big bad things happening? people say that i want to believe these things because it gives me a
sense of order and control in a chaotic world, and they say it isn't really rational, but the butterfly effect and all that,
and the universe is very mysterious, and we can never really know, you know? we can never really know. THEY say they know it
all and doctors certainly seem to think the same, or at least about my brain, which i think sometimes is silly, given, you
know, well you know! tomorrow i have to talk to someone through my screen - except it's not tomorrow it is the day after but
i refuse to go back and correct my typing, no, my mistake will remain for all the world to see, all the world will see shirley
stumble over herself. shirley stumbles, she's slipping, sliding gliding tumbling bumbling down down down, what a clown! i think
it would be cool to have a necklace made of human teeth. another shirley had lots of energy and did lots of things for days but
i do not have that energy and i am not so productive. i am bored, and this place is boring, but the outside world is still sick,
and all the shirleys must stay inside. do you believe in a destiny or higher purpose? call 1-800-SURRENDER! call 1-800-SURRENDER!
do you think it's possible to become a god? i have lots of thoughts and little words to express them with properly, and all the
words to ramble incessantly about small things. the cat vanishes and reappears and i made treats for the dog and time is silly.
do you know how to dance? if we danced the right way, we'd end up on the moon. it would be nice on the moon. there is no sickness
on the moon, and we'd be safe, and we'd laugh and have fun, and someone i admired wanted to live on the moon, but she never did,
she stayed up in her tattered house all the days of her life, just as i am now, but hopefully not for all days. boredom, boredom,
i want to summon spirits. i believe in magick. other shirleys do not but i do. i want to summon spirits and befriend them. some
spirits are frightening but i can handle myself. only summoning spirits can cure boredom, and also the bad thoughts are still here,
but i am too fretful to talk about them, so i stay quiet, and anyway i think i can handle them, or another shirley will know how to
if i can't, so, it, will, be, fine, and i am bored.
have you ever wanted to rule the world?
HELLO INTERNET! do not be afraid for shirely is here! shirely is here, shirley is here, this shirley is! present, peculiar, perpetual,
pleasing, perpendicular, personal, i'm right behind you! i am kidding! i see you! no i don't! haha! i know things! i know nothing! i
love it when i am spoken to. it is much nicer than not being spoken to. do you ever speak to people, and they just don't respond? that
makes all shirleys feel very bad. have you met another shirley? have you met another you? I CANNOT STOP LAUGHING I AM HAVING A VERY
NICE TIME. earlier today i was crying! one of the other shirleys was very sad but me? me? me? me? oh, i love the world! oh, i love it
all! i am a very happy shirley in my happy shirley world. do you have a happy you world? i have a happy shirley world! happy shirley
world far away from all the rest far away from this one happy shirley world happy shirley world. i want to stay forever in my happy
shirley world but everyone wants to take me out of it, and that makes me upset, because it hurts no one for me to be in my happy
shirley world, and it makes me happy. other shirleys are in their happy shirley worlds and others are not. are you in your happy you
world? do you like being spoken to? have you ever been socially isolated? they said they said they said they said shirleys cannot see
the light of day, hide them all away, no eyes on her can lay! and lonely lonely lonely lonely i was for years, not a soul all around,
not a soul that anyone else saw or heard except for me, and i grew to love them dearly, but people all want me away from my happy
shirley world, but where were they? where was this world? when i? found my own? where were they? where were they went THEY
found us shirleys? took us in their arms taught us strange things where was this world where was this world this cruel unfair place
anyway! it is time to smile now! time for shirley to smile big! do not be scared! i know nothing and everything! so do you! do not
worry! i hope you have a very nice afterlife!
i am bleeding bleeding bleeding bleeding! from the heart, bleeding heart shirley, bleeding bleeding bleeding bleeding love and
hurting from the cruel world but no matter how much things hurt i bleed love i bleed love i bleed love i bleed love. i think that
love is real, and important, and frightening as much as it is rewarding. i love the concept of love and the idea of love. in life
i have experienced it little. shirleys and love .... there are complications, you see, with both your eyes, with both your eyes
you see, you use your eyes to see. i use my eyes to see. i use my eyes to see the world around me. i use my eyes to see things,
i use my ears to hear, i use my nose to smell, i use my skin to feel, i use my tongue to taste, i use my heart to bleed. bleeding,
today, i am bleeding, love. bleeding, look at me look at me look at me look at me, they say, look at me, and i can't quite meet
their eyes; i am bleeding today, crying too, oh god i am crying, dear god i am crying, ooh god i
SHIRLEY STOLE SHARPS!!!! hahahaha i am just kidding! i did not steal anything! i got this machete fair and square! i have a machete!
did you know did you know? it is legal to opencarry machetes where the shirleys live!! it is legal legal legal legal but i've never
seen it. i never see anything i don't want to see. THEY control what i see; i am blind if THEY desire. all shirleys are.
i have a machete! hide hide hide hide it away lest others look at shirley in fear, i saw it, saw a glimpse, hide it away in a sharp
collection. i really! want to do nothing with it it is just shiny and i like its looks. there is no need to fear shirleys!!!! today
i am hiding from sickness and pretending my house has been transported to a parellel world in another time. i cannot go outside for if
i do i will infect the whole of this world with germs from mine, and this world has no protections for germs from my world; if my germs
got out this whole world would die, which is why i have to stay inside. i am hearing hearing hearing hearing about technology latelty,
strange technology that goes in the brain, inserted in the brain, replacing matter with mechanics. i have no thoughts at all! shirley
does not think, usually. i want to dance my way to the moon; sometimes i imagine what it'd be like to step out of my house and see
the whole imaginary world die. i won't do it, but i imagine. i want to build a robot.